My heart bleeds day after day.
I realize my past has a deeper hold on me.
Death grips my soul.
With every ounce of strength, I try to break its grasp.
I try so hard to keep eyes forward.
To breathe in today and let go of yesterday’s pain.
Like a demon from hell it grabs hold of me.
Wanting every cell of my being back in its grasp.
So used to being able to control me.
What I’d do to be able to rewrite my past.
What I’d do to end it all and begin again.
No one understands.
No one gets the agony.
Men lined up fast to get a taste of my Shangri-La, hastily and greedily.
Seeking futile lusts and desires fulfilled,
Shallow and untouched by sincerity.
No one knows how to love me past my flaws.
Not one knows how to walk through my dark nights.
Not one, strong enough to listen to the anguish of my heart.
To help heal those parts of me broken so long ago.
To be my strong tower, my knight in shining armor.
To just be gentle with the most beautiful and broken parts of me, willing to protect them with every last ounce of energy.
Years spent living in fear.
Years spent running in circles pushing wisdom aside,
Not realizing the pain and devastation, caused me to live in such arrogant pride.
I am so humbled by my pain which has driven me to make deductions and decisions that were based on lies.
I am humbled that millions of breaths were taken before I realized so much time has been chewed up trying to unwrite the past instead of living for the future.
I am humbled that so many hours were spent holding onto my pain like a long lost lover.
I am humbled to be alone, yet the solitude and peace, that surrounds me is invaluable.
I am humbled, so very humbled, but...
I am grateful for this humility of character, although painful, it has dulled all the sharp edges of my ego and pride.
I am encouraged that tomorrow holds new opportunities to try again.
I am hopeful for tomorrow, for it holds the mysteries of the new territories that are the new beginnings of me.
I am hopeful, for now I know it is safe to let go of all the pain that turned to pride, so I can love and be loved completely.
Comments